Every day, we interact with each other in conversation, by phone, or by email, to mention just a few ways. But how well are we communicating when we do?
Our brains are set up to pay more attention to minimizing dangers than to maximizing rewards. So, this evaluation process going on in our minds causes us to mull over something negative said to us for a much longer time (than on a compliment that’s paid to us). Brain scans show our brains lighting up more when viewing an angry face than when viewing a happy face. In other words, more brain cycles are used on processing negative inputs than on processing positive inputs.
This understanding of how our brains work points to why negative inputs are generally more unproductive than positive ones. Won’t you be better off asking “What could be done differently the next time,” because your relationship with that person will be more productive by using that question in place of a “You’re wrong” statement.
Before you interact with someone ask yourself if what you’ll say can be described by at least two of these three words: true, helpful or good. Two out of three’s not too hard. If what you wanted to say can’t pass the two out of three test, then change how you were going to say it or maybe don’t even say it at all.
I have a friend who’s the most positive person I know. All our mutual friends think so too. He seems to magically get along with most people and all of his friends somehow think they’re his best friend. If I apply the “true, helpful, or good” test to what he says, it seems to be what he does. I don’t think he consciously applies a test to what he says, it’s just his nature. But, I think he’d probably agree this could be how he works.
I think I’m onto his secret.